This is a simple exercise, yet one we are not programmed to engage in readily. It will take a bit of effort, but the rewards can be great and it can be a wonderful adventure.
Whenever you begin to feel any type of emotional attachment to a physical object, simply ask yourself, "is it me?" As with any exercise, persistency will be the key. After asking yourself this question you definitely deserve an answer. Give yourself one! Of course, it's quite obvious the answer will be no, but examining our every day actions might suggest we have trouble believing this fact. Repeatedly asking and answering this question serves as an affirmation of the reality that we are not the objects around us, giving rise to the idea that something else is at the essence of our being. Eventually we may be able to accept this fact and begin to realize our real motivation comes from within.
Our society teaches us that our worth is directly related to our physical situation. "Clothes make the man," "you are what you eat," and "image is everything," are only a few of the multitude of ideas which bombard us daily. We can sit back and believe them, or we can fight back with a reality based opinion of ourselves. The idea that the car one drives or the neighborhood in which one lives is a true picture of who one is is a most unfortunate lie we are led to believe. We've all known persons with little in the way of material possessions who we recognize as being praiseworthy, yet we are more inclined to recognize as being praiseworthy, yet we are more inclined to advertise our relationship with those whose surface appearance is more alluring. We'd simply rather be seen riding in the neighbor's Jaguar than feeding his goat.
One does not have to disassociate oneself with material possessions in order to live with internal motivation. The problem is not one of "material possessions," but rather "material possession." It's perfectly alright to have and enjoy material things. It is when these things have you that problems arise. You are of infinite worth, your things have a price tag. You owe it to yourself not to allow the price to be your self.
Apart from physical objects, there is an even more powerful and subtle manipulation into which we allow ourselves to be drawn. We fall prey to other people's ideas or opinions. The second half of this exercise deals precisely with this problem.
Each time you feel any sort of discomfort associated with the words or actions of others, simply ask yourself, "do I agree?" This one is a little harder to pull off, as the object of this question is a bit more difficult to detect. If someone gives us the cold shoulder, we may rack our brains for hours trying to discover the reason for their actions. If and when the reason becomes apparent, the choice of how to let it affect us is entirely ours. Ask yourself if you agree. Be honest with your answer. As in the first example, much of the time the answer will be no. Telling yourself this may help to lift you from the bondage of the unrealistic expectations of your judge and will offer you an opportunity to attain the freedom necessary to motivate yourself from within. When the answer is no, accept it and move on. You need not hold onto erroneous ideas, regardless of who imposes them on you and regardless of their grandiose means of imposition.
This exercise is a bit more risky, for what shall you do when the answer to the question is yes? If you are honest with yourself, you may find times when other's comments or criticism are accurate in your eyes. As difficult as it seems, find it within yourself to appreciate their insight. In actuality they have given you a gift. They have brought to you an opportunity for self improvement. What you will do with this gift is entirely up to you. Though there are a multitude of possibilities regarding how you will treat your newfound insight, you really only have two healthy choices: 1) You may change the action, attitude, or behavior in question, or 2) you may change your attitude toward or perception of the questionable situation or condition. The concept is simple, but sometimes the action is not. But action is the key, and the benefits of taking action far outweigh the inconvenience of failing to do the work necessary to make the change. Furthermore, failure to make necessary changes will continue to feed the negative images of yourself of which your "judge" has taken the time to remind you. Working diligently to change feeds the positive images you hold in your dreams. Either way, your mind takes care of the feeding process. Why not work to insure that the food is positive? The key to success will be your ability to be honest with yourself. Are you in agreement with their opinion because it is their opinion or because it is in conflict with the way you want to live your life? The better you know yourself - your desires, dreams, frustrations, etc. - the easier it will be to treat your questions and answers with honesty. When your honest introspection reveals that your perceived problem is in direct conflict with your inner desires for fulfillment, there will be no need to conform to your judge's idea of right or wrong. Instead, you can find peace of mind by changing your attitude toward the idea in question. Realize that conforming to his expectations would be in conflict with your inner guidance system's ideal direction. In doing this you take his criticism, examine and refute it, and it becomes instead a positive affirmation - "I'm O.K."
If your honest introspection reveals that your actions are not in agreement with your dream or goal, your judge has become a dear friend, pointing you in the direction of success and happiness. Courageously thank him, take a deep breath, and get busy with the hard work of self improvement. You may find there's not a task in the universe more worthy of your time and effort.

2. Anonymous good deeds

In his book "Psycho Cybernetics," Maxwell Maltz suggests one of the best exercises I know for assuring "inside-out" action. Like all of these exercises, it serves the purpose of rewarding your inner self, but this exercise has a hidden benefit. It helps others as well. Any time you help another person, your inner-self can't help but win. The exercise is very simple, but it carries with it conditions which make it a bit more difficult to pull off. The exercise: Do at least one good deed per day for someone other than yourself for twenty-one consecutive days. The condition: No one else can find out you did the good deed. If anyone finds out it doesn't count. This will insure that the only reward will be your inner reward. It is impossible for you to do a good deed for others without rewarding your self-image. Conversely, it is impossible for you to hurt others without doing deep damage to this same self-image. Missing opportunities to help others can also damage your sense of self worth, but in much more subtle ways.
Dr. Maltz's exercise is offered with the hope it will create a habit of giving, The daily execution of this exercise is important. Your new patter of giving will become a part of you, and the benefit will be no doubt immeasurable as a life of beauty unfolds itself.

3. Define the intangible gifts of life.

Attempt to define the indefinable. Make a short list of some of the intangible things in life (love, happiness, fulfillment...). Now attempt to use words to define these things. Pull no punches. Let it all hang out. Write your definitions down. Give not only a dictionary type definition of each, but also describe in a very personal way what they mean to you. You may find that you have to use other intangibles to describe them and their meaning in your life. If you attempt to describe them in terms of tangibles, are you satisfied with your definitions? You might just come to the realization that the inner rewards of lie are far greater than any outer manifestation. You can thoroughly and accurately describe the new diamond ring which appeared to make you so very happy, but you will find that describing the happiness itself is not as easy. Could the old saying about having to work hard for valuable things be true? And could it therefore be true to say that the value of the happiness itself far outweighs the object of the happiness? I think so!

4. Make parallel lists of tangible and intangible treasures

Make another list of things precious to you which are not material objects or possessions (health, acceptance, love, happiness, hope, faith...). Now make a separate list which includes your most valuable material possessions. Let's make the point even stronger. Go ahead and list all the material possessions you wish you had. Have at it! I'll give you Aladdin's coveted lamp. Rub it, make three wishes, and add the genie's gifts to your list.
Now put the two lists side by side. Look them over and compare them. Ask yourself the following questions:

F What thing or things from your list of intangibles would you trade for the genie's gifts and other worldly possessions?

F How many of the items on your list of intangibles would it take to purchase just one item from the intangible list?

F Can things from the intangible list even be purchased with things from the list of possessions?

5. Create a prioritized list of valuables

Take the lists compiled in the above exercise and combine them by mixing both tangible and intangible items in priority order. This may be very difficult, but don't let that stop you. As with all of life's little exercises, the greater the struggle, the greater the knowledge and wisdom gained. Begin by determining which item is most expendable and work your way up to the most cherished gift of all, the gift you would hold on to at all costs.
Now we will establish a most unpleasant scenario. Pretend the Internal Revenue Service has ruled that you owe a multitude of back taxes and penalties (You should have reported those gifts from the Genie). They are sending an agent out today to seize assets. When he arrives, he asks you to list all your valuable possessions. You tell him about your list, warning him that some of the items are not tangible possessions. Being the insightful, caring, metaphysical type common to governmental bureaucrats(@#*&^$*+), he agrees to consider all the items on your list as acceptable assets. He asks you to count the items on your list. He rules that you will only be asked to give up one half of the items on your list. Draw a line at the half way point of your list and give him everything above the line (your least valuable items). Go back to your original separate lists as reference and ask yourself the following questions:

F How many of the assets seized by the IRS were originally on your list of tangible material possessions?

F How many of the assets seized by the IRS were originally on your list of intangible virtues and/or conditions?

If the exercised called for you to relinquish more items from your intangible list than from your list of possessions, this exercise backfired drastically. Chances are you discovered that the intangible things in your life are of far more worth than your possessions. These intangibles reside within you. To enjoy their riches you must look inward. Inspiring you to do so is the aim of all the words written in this guide.

6. Place monetary values on your intangible gifts

Take the list of intangible treasures from one of the above exercises. Attempt to place a dollar amount by each of these items which will accurately represent its worth to you. Make yourself do it. Settle on a figure. Now you likely see once again how these inner rewards measure up against the measurement of external worth sanctioned by your society. If you were unable to measure these attributes by a standard of limitation such as money you have succeeded in making the point even stronger. If you were able to quantify their worth monetarily, you might get some grins by going back to the previous exercise. Estimate the value of the tangible assets your friend from the IRS took with him and see who got the better "half."

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